As I wrote before, I resigned from my work two weeks ago and I don’t have a particular purpose. Except I do.
I am taking this break to study yoga. When I took the basic teacher training two years ago, I enjoyed studying and the subtle transformation I experienced. Now I will dive back in with time and commitment. To be present to what unfolds, surfaces, ravels is monumental.
While I don’t want to become a full time yoga teacher, if I end up teaching regularly, I’d love to focus on Yoga Nidra or restorative yoga. Both of those are mostly uncharted territories for me right now. In a few month, they will become less so. The journey there is the purpose.
I am taking the break to try and see some of the wonders of the world. I enjoyed adventure books as a kid, art and mythology as a youth, history, nature, and interconnectedness as an adult. Seeing that I am not getting any younger, can just as well see the places and manifestations now. Some specific goals are: to catch both Aurorae, Borealis and Australis, this year. See the Grand Canyon. Stretch goal: to set foot in Asia. I will ride trains to some of these destinations. The train journey is the purpose.
I am taking this break to do something I don’t do normally, something I am afraid of. There are so many fears to choose from.
I often feel like a tumbleweed, uprooted, wandering, tumbling. I’ll embrace being a tumbleweed. Maybe I’ll find home. Maybe not.
I am not going to worry about finding a new job until at least September. Having said that, there are some tools I wish I had at work or volunteering gigs I never got around to making. There are some skills I can enjoy learning. A homage to the only cookbook I saw growing up, “A Book of Delicious and Healthy Food” (we are talking Soviet Union in the eighties here), there there may be “A Book of Delicious and Healthy Statistical Graphics” in my future. Or maybe an app or two to help team communication toward a shared goal. Who knows.
A shaman called Ryan told me once that while my mind is my gift, to be love is my dharma. Swing the pendulum he said. I don’t know if I fully grasp what he meant yet. I sort of do.
To that end, my purpose for the next few months is to love myself and to take care of myself like a loving parent would, like a devoted partner would. So I know what it is like and no longer mistake breadcrumbs of love for the whole. So I can stand in the strength of my own love, no need to grasp for outside straws. So I have it to offer.
3 thoughts on “No Purpose, Purpose”
Anna, you are so honest to yourself, this journey in the next few month will be amazing. You are growing a little seed of self-Love to a Big Tree of self-Love. I’m looking forward to the day you are marrying yourself. I truly admire your leap of faith!!
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thank you, love!